I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
