Can i not drive my cunt home
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
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She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
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These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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