areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
