My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
