No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
