I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
high people should be assigned attendants
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
