get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You took a bar mat shot.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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