Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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