So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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