You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
