Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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