I'm jealous of your bromance
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
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and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
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My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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