I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
