He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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