dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
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at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
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So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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