literally had 100 drinks last night.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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