I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I am spending my child support on dildos
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
