My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize