This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
