You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
