I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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