True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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