you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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