update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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