I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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