why didn't you poke me back
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
