Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
