Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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