i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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