Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
