there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
