Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
