I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I see more hoeing in ur future
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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