The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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