five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
