I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're making bets on your personal life
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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