I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
