omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Even my vagina gasped.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
