why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
