The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
