If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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