Can i not drive my cunt home
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
