Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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