so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
