You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
