Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
