Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
