I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
