In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize
