He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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