yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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