...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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