Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
