Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
