A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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