Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
