six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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