Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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