My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
